Posted on December 26, 2018 by adminResiliency in Your Marriage So you have decided to combine your families. The practice of blending families is a complicated and emotional endeavor. Much has been written about the dynamics and struggles of merging families upon re-marriage. Thus, this brief article focuses only on the importance of building the couple bond throughout the turbulence of blending a family. Set and enforce clear boundaries for your marriage Set boundaries for your marriage; honor them and be consistent. Boundaries provide protection and guidance concerning how a couple acts, how you interact with one another, as well as with people outside of the marriage. Boundaries a few may set for their marriage may include things like: Keeping sensitive and intimate information regarding their partner confidential (ex. We do not discuss marital complaints with family members or ex-spouses) Accepting responsibility for their unique feelings and not requiring their partner to feel exactly like they do about what Behaving in a way that respects their partner, and also shows self-respect (ex. Name calling is not used during arguments). I cannot stress enough how important this is. Deficiency of boundaries in a union can be disastrous. If you are uncertain of the condition of boundaries in your relationship, give me a call; I would like to work with you. Recognize that your relationship with your spouse Differs from the relationship with the kids While it’s important to meet the needs of the kids in the family, strengthening the couple bond is essential. The relationship with your spouse is for the two of you. It is to love and nurture, to appreciate and value the person they have become, accomplish goals together, and share dreams. Companionship and support, both emotional and physical, are key in this relationship. 3. When mixing a family, dating your partner becomes even more important. It is an important part of establishing your identity as a married couple, not just parents or step-parents. Additionally, it establishes a culture on your new family, that shows that the marriage relationship is vital. This practice also gives you and your spouse an opportunity to strengthen and maintain your relationship. You may need one another’s support while blending the family. Be careful when getting”well-meaning” information Friends and family are full of’well meaning’ and unsolicited advice. This advice can sometimes backfire and become meddling, which is intrusive and damaging. You may even, unintentionally, cause your connection to become the topic of gossip within your social circle, leading to more stress on your marriage. When seeking advice concerning your marriage within a blended family, speak with someone who will provide you constructive and objective information, while keeping your private information private. If there’s absolutely no one in your life who will offer this for you, please meet with a licensed counselor. Your relationship is worth it. Check in frequently with your partner. Communicate! Be careful not to let offenses to go unaddressed and unresolved. Communication can serve as a cleanser in a connection. It’s possible to build a resilient marriage through healthy, ongoing communication. When mixing a family, difficulties will occur; expect them and plan ahead when you can. Prior to the wedding, talk about financing, discipline, family duties, living arrangements, etc.. Give yourselves credit for the things You’re doing well Identify your strengths as a couple and give yourselves a pat on the back for the things do well. If you work hard to make time for one another or to improve how you communicate with your partner, give yourself credit for these things. But do not stop there. Seek professional assistance if things become too muddy A counselor can help you and your spouse find tools to strengthen your bond, while consolidating your loved ones.